Addressed to everyone [backdated to 5th May]

[frilliance]

 To whomever might be reading this, 

My name is Miles Edgeworth and I am a district attorney from Los Angeles. I apologize for this strange method of communication but my cellphone is missing and I have lost my cellphone and there seems to be no way to access any other sensible form of communication, unfortunately. To be frank, I would be surprised if this bizarre talking robot bear actually has any effect, 

I arrived in this bizarre place several hours ago and must make my way back to Los Angeles post-haste. Unfortunately, none of the locals seem to be of any use, as they keep telling me the same bizarre nonsense about me being some sort of magical chosen one and appear to think that I am intellectually incompetent enough to believe it. 

There must be someone out here with a tiny amount of common sense. Therefore, if you are somebody who fits that description, could you please tell me the best way to contact the Los Angeles police department so I can get in touch with my detective and make my way home. You have my gratitude. 

Yours sincerely, 

Miles Edgeworth.