mogmelodies | To All Heroes

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To All Heroes

To Everybody:

Whether we've met or not, I'd appreciate a reply from as many people as are willing, especially if you didn't just come from a version of Earth.

So, let's talk holidays. Christmas, I was willing to let pass as a coincidence. Any civilized planet out there with a winter season ends up with some version of a winter solstice. It doesn't matter the time or the planet or the alien race, they've got some kind of tradition that we would recognize. Celebration for being 'almost out of the dark,' as a friend of mine would put it.

But Valentine's Day? Definitely a product of Earth, of a specific time period of Earth, to be sure. At least, in my experience. And that's where you guys come in. Anybody else, not from Earth, have a custom or a legend like this? Something specifically surrounding a holiday, something that's celebrated. Also, is anybody else reading up on Aqures Ixen legends enough to know if we're going all going to be dealing with rabbits and eggs in two months? If so, I'm calling shenanigans now.

-Captain Jack Harkness

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Terra stopped looking down at this hand hovering inches away from her arm. She wasn't used to such expressions of comfort and she wasn't sure what it would feel like to even be comforted physically. It was curious.

Her eyes looked back up at Jack as she turned to face him, her expression static. "I don't understand." Not just about her being human and not being human but about talking to someone. She hadn't told anyone much since waking up here. Even Tempest was left in the dark and only knew of the nightmares that plagued Terra's dreams.

Jack lets his hand drop, doesn't want to make it look like he's keeping her here, but he doesn't want her to leave at all. The look on his face stays sympathetic. "Then, what are you thinking? Because you're trying to understand, and I want to help. But I don't know where to start." Maybe just take this all one step at a time.

"I don't know." Her voice was almost a whisper as she spoke. "I don't know what I am thinking. I don't know what is real and what isn't. I don't know the difference between my dreams and my memories. I don't know how I feel or if I do at all."

Terra brought her hand up so that it rested over her heart. "I don't even know if I'm truly alive." Her eyes were locked with his and clear as she spoke her worries. It wasn't until she finished that her eyes shifted to the ground.

"I don't know who to trust." Her voice was so soft now he would have to strain to listen. Every dream and memory fluttered through her mind leaving her heart trembling at the memories that assaulted her. She wasn't human.. human's couldn't do what shes done.

"Terra," he speaks her name softly, trying to ground her back to where she is. "You can't remember what's come before, so you're scared that all of this could just disappear at any moment. That's a real fear. This is real. Or, whatever we experience, that's all we can ever know of reality. Sounds complicated, but it means you can trust this."

"Leave the past in the past. Let that be the bad dream you're waking up from. It doesn't have to control who you are now."

"If you've got to take it one day at a time, re-learn everything you knew, that's really all the rest of us are doing. Coming here, everything's messed up for all of us. But don't let that drag you into despair." He puts a hand out again, gently lets it touch hers, without grabbing. "This is real. You don't have to be afraid of here."

She felt tears spill from the corner of her eyes before she could stop them. She wanted to believe him and she felt her heart reach out at his words. She reached up trying to wipe away the tears but they wouldn't stop streaking down her cheeks.

"I don't know why I'm crying. I'm sorry." Her voice was only a whisper, the feeling of heart break echoing in her chest with each beat. She had been hurt and she didn't know if it was really okay to try and feel better. Didn't she deserve to suffer? After everything that she had done.

Terra took a step forward placing her forehead against Jack's shoulder while she tried to stop the tears that flooded from her eyes.

Jack gently raises one arm to go around her shoulders. He kind of expected this, but it's better that she's letting it out, rather than running away. "Because you're scared. Fear is good. Even if it feels terrible. It means you care."

"Two years, I don't remember a thing that I did. I try not to think about it. What kind of man I could have been? What I could have done? It's been enough time, now, that I can leave it alone. But, it's natural, it's human, to wonder, and fear."

As much as Jack is encouraging Terra to just leave it alone, it's a good sign that she isn't just going to brush it off. But where can she go from here?

She shook her head keeping her forehead against his shoulder. It was frustrating and she wasn't sure what to do. Her heart felt heavy and each breath hurt. She shuttered her fingers curling around his shirt like a lost child.

"I just want to know who I am. If I have any family or anyone who is looking for me." She couldn't stop the flow of words spilling from her mouth. Terra had meet others in the city who knew her but she wasn't sure if they weren't talking about someone else.

Oh. That only gets Jack hugging Terra a little tighter. He'll be here for her, if she needs something stable. "It's hard to know, from here. When you go back home, there has to be someone waiting for you."

"You can find out who you are here. You don't have to punish yourself over the past. We think-" And Jack pauses, because he's treading onto the territory of some of his own issues here, but he pushes forwards. "We think we have to remember the mistakes we've made. That if we hang on to them, remember them hard enough, we can keep from making them again. But it doesn't always work that way." His eyes are shut very tight for a second.

Terra thought of the fires in her mind and dreams. The burning red flames that have haunted her since the moment she awoke with no memories of moments before. She remembered someone telling her.. before she escaped to the cave that she wasn’t bad. That the Empire was using her but his words felt so distant now. She didn’t even know how that man was or what happened after she entered the cave. She had been cornered by the guards and then the floor escaped from underneath her feet and she fell.

The next thing she remembered was waking up here and every memory to greet her since has been of fire, war and death. Maybe she had died when falling deeper into the cave and this was only her mind clinging onto life but then she didn’t want to believe that to be a possibility. Her eyes cleared slightly and she pulled away from Jack, her thoughts slowly organizing themselves.

“Thank you. I will keep that in mind.”

Jack lets her pull back away, maybe that's all she can handle for one day, but she at least seems a little better. "Then also keep in mind that I'm here to listen. My door's always open." He smiles a tiny bit. "Chiaki and Rika, at least, won't mind any visitors. Pretty sure Val will be fine with you, too." The strange woman seems a lot more comfortable around other women than she is around Jack.

"If you've got questions about anything, just let me know. You might have noticed I'm not the best at this," a slight huff. "But I'll do my best."

Terra gave him a nod wiping at her face to make sure it was alright before heading home. She didn't want Tempest to worry about her and in truth she hadn't even know how much time had past while she was here.

She glanced out the window but she still didn't know what the time was. "Thank you. I will keep that in mind."

She wasn't so sure about the others. She liked Chiaki well enough but she found talking to anyone for long periods of time difficult. Valvalus had frightened her and for the moment she wanted to avoid the bold woman.

"I should get home before Tempest worries."

Jack nods, understanding. "Good that you've got somebody keeping an eye out for you." He wants to tell her a lot more, but maybe this is enough for one day. The best he can do is keep his door and ear open for Terra, when she's ready for it.

He leads her to the door, and gives Terra a warm smile. "I'll see you around." Because Terra definitely has his attention, after this.

"Yes." She smiled but it was tentative and a little unsure. She wrapped her light purple cloak tightly around her fragile form before turning towards the door. She wasn't one for goodbyes and she wasn't sure what normal protocol was for this sort of thing but she wanted to say something more.

She stepped through the door pausing to look back at Jack. "And.. Thank you." With that she turned away and made her way home, not once looking back.

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