Addressed to everyone [backdated to 5th May]

[frilliance]

 To whomever might be reading this, 

My name is Miles Edgeworth and I am a district attorney from Los Angeles. I apologize for this strange method of communication but my cellphone is missing and I have lost my cellphone and there seems to be no way to access any other sensible form of communication, unfortunately. To be frank, I would be surprised if this bizarre talking robot bear actually has any effect, 

I arrived in this bizarre place several hours ago and must make my way back to Los Angeles post-haste. Unfortunately, none of the locals seem to be of any use, as they keep telling me the same bizarre nonsense about me being some sort of magical chosen one and appear to think that I am intellectually incompetent enough to believe it. 

There must be someone out here with a tiny amount of common sense. Therefore, if you are somebody who fits that description, could you please tell me the best way to contact the Los Angeles police department so I can get in touch with my detective and make my way home. You have my gratitude. 

Yours sincerely, 

Miles Edgeworth. 

Comments

[terrorfirma]

      Common sense is pretty relative in a place like this you know, when you say things like "Los Angeles" and "District Attorney" it sounds just as crazy as "Heroes of Light" or "Calamity Swallowing the World" to most of us.

Lucky for you, I'm feeling pretty generous today so I'll let you in on a secret: there is no way home. Unless you feel like messing with the relativity of time and space, which I'm pretty sure hasn't worked out for most of these "Heroes" from what I hear.

          — ℰdna.

These two are going to get along brilliantly.

[frilliance]

Dear Ms. Edna,

I will let you in on a little secret too: magic and superheroes don't exist and they never hand. [Spirit channeling he can't exactly deny as much as he wants to but he's not going to talk about that.] Futhermore if the world really was ending, I'm sure I would have heard of it by now.

Also, are you really telling me that you have never heard of Los Angeles? [He knows that there are ignorant people who have never heard of the UK like the judge but seriously...]

Yours sincerely,

Miles Edgeworth

of course!! edna is the best at friends

[terrorfirma]

      Oh, they don't exist? Well that's a relief. I'll be sure to tell the monsters just outside of the city's limits that so they stop bothering us, in that case. While we're at it feel free to abandon that crystal you woke up with, I'm definitely sure that won't have any repercussions at all since magic doesn't exist either. And as far as this world ending, well, maybe you open your ears first instead of your mouth next time.

I swear, most of you humans really were raised in a barn.

And no, I've never heard of anything called Los Angeles, just like I'm sure there's plenty of things you've never heard about, either. But let me know how all that denial is working out for you, I give it about a day or so.

          — ℰdna.