mogmelodies | to: Heroes of Light; also Cid, Biggs, Wedge

WHAT HAPPENED?

Why are they dead? Why did they just fucking fall over and die? Why did they just suddenly turn to crystal and disappear? Why did it only happen to people who just got here? Why didn't they just turn into crystal like the people in the hospital? Why does anything happen on this god awful stupid planet?!

Twice now I've seen someone I know show up here, only to have them disappear. Both were people really important to me, both were people who I had been looking for but lost, both are now just gone from existence. Last year, Lukas showed up here crystallized and disappeared like an hour later. This week, Blaine crystallized in front of me and disappeared in moments. It apparently happened to other people. Some had it a lot worse and they just fell over and died. Others are missing and we don't even know what happened to them.

No one's going to have answers because this place is completely fucked. I've been asking all over town what people saw and it's all the same stories of death or crystallization and then disappearance. Just when I think this place might be worth living it, it pulls another stunt like this. This planet can burn for all I care.

[This letter isn't signed, since it's mostly an act of outrage than a facilitation of thoughtful discussion. Instead, there's a note on the bottom from Johnny's moogle helper, Mogrius, about how this is from Johnny and how he does not encourage writing back. He's not going to answer, and unless you can bring his friend back, he likely won't care what you have to say. He does encourage for anyone who might care to stop a certain pub, where Johnny is sitting in a corner drinking himself into a stupor at this very moment, which is clearly the best response to this. You know, if you care. Which Mogrius does not. But he figures it's possible someone out there might.

If you go to see him there, he is indeed right where Mogrius said he'd be, head laying on top of his arm, folded on the table. There are many empty glasses surrounding him already, and the night is young.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Logen looks in on his friend and says. ]

Well, you look like shit. Want someone to help you while you're being shit?

[He barely peeks out at Logen before answering.]

Help at what, continuin' to be shit?

Sounds like a decent plan to me. But I was thinking more drinking until we don't remember anything. You're hurting, aren't you, friend?

[When Logen asks that, Johnny hunches in a bit. It's obvious he is, but he's too embarrassed and too tough to admit something like that. So instead he just drink his feelings away.]

I hate this fuckin' place. I take back any nice shit I ever said about it.

It's just another place. After a while you realize everywhere is a different kind of shitty.

People disappeared all the time in Exsilium. Vanished into thin air. Sucked back up time or something. But they didn't drop dead. They didn't get painfully crystallized beforehand.

People die all over, Johnny. Up here, the North. I've killed men in their sleep myself. I know it's hard to accept... but all you can do is drink, fuck, and live as best you can.

[Johnny tries to bite something back, but he can't. He slams a fist down on the table, causing all he glasses to rattle, and getting the attention of everyone nearby.]

Are they dead, Logen? Are they? If they were dead, maybe I could accept it and move on. But turning into fucking crystal and disappearing - is that death? What the fuck is it!? People die, but they don't die en masse by collapsing on the street and then vanishing into thin fucking air!

It's the not knowing that gets you, isn't it?

Well, fucking find out like the smart fellows are doing. I can't say I trust all the wizard and such, but maybe they'll know enough so that you're not here drinking and weeping like someone kicked your ass.

I'm not a smart guy. I've asked all over town about what people saw, what happened, and it all boiled down to the same thing. People either fell over and died, or crystallized and then vanished in a matter of moments. What's there to do on? What else can we do? If those brainiacs could do something, they'd have already done it.

And fuck you. You have no idea what the people this place took from me meant. You haven't a damn clue.

[ Logen reaches out, and will grab Johnny by his shirt, raising him up so he's face to face with Logen's scarred mug. ]

Fucking tell that to a man who's lost every friend he's ever had, his wife and fucking children.

[ If Johnny doesn't stop him, Logen is going to throw him to the ground, hard. ]

[Johnny's too drunk to stop Logen from throwing him. But it's now that the bartender will tell them to get the hell out now before he gets the cops involved. Johnny is pulled off the floor and tossed out by a guard, and Logen will be too unless he cooperates.

If he does, he'll find Johnny outside around the corner, arm holding himself up against the building, his face in his other hand. His head was swimming, and he really didn't want to get sick.]

Feeling less stupid yet?

[ Logen glares at Johnny once he's hustled out. ]

Goddamnit...

[Johnny tried to level a look at Logen.]

How do you do it? How do you move on from something like that? For years I thought my family might be dead now cuz of me, just cuz I exist, and they might be for all I know. I won't know, because I can't go home. Lukas too, til he showed up and the vanished here. And then whatever the hell happened to Blaine. I feel like I'm going outta my mind.

I try to forget. I drink, I fight, sometimes I even bed down with some women. But mostly I just actively try to forget what I've seen. And try to be a better man.

That's all anyone can really do. There's things we can't control, the things wizards do, or other such things.

[Johnny leaned against the building by his shoulder to steady himself. He looked beyond exhausted.]

No, I can't forget. I try to but it never goes away. It's always in the back of my mind. At the very fuckin' least. Drinkin', fightin', jumping into bed - I do that too, but that shit's all temporary. I just... I need time in between all this shit. But it's just one thing after another.

Why don't we get you home and get you some rest. [ He draws a breath, then lets it out, putting an arm around Johnny to support him.] It never stops for some men. Until it does. But then everything else stops too. And I don't think you want that quite yet.

[Reluctantly, Johnny goes along with him. He really wanted to move on to another bar, but he doesn't protest.]

No. Not yet. Put up with too much shit to just lay down 'n die now. But goddamn if I don't wonder why I do some days.

Then we'll still be alive together.

C'mon.

to: Heroes of Light; also Cid, Biggs, Wedge

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